Being Barraged With A Million Different Viewpoints

I write on another site. I wrote a couple times ago about sometimes being brought to frustration over what I see and what I hear and trying to hand onto a real God in the process. For simplicity sake, I am going to copy what I wrote the last two time there, so it saves time and so you can see the fullness of what has been trapsing through my head. If, in the 2nd one it seems I am responding, I was in part. I had many comments when I wrote the 1st, but I will not copy them over as I do not have the other folks' permission. God bless. Sorry about length.
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This is no wonderful revelation. This is not directive from the Lord.
Well maybe not . . .

This is me talking to/with all of you, wanting to get some other peoples' thoughts . . . feelings, . . . God leadings etc.

I have written about this before, because I felt He was either telling me of these things, or having me wonder about these things before.

MONTHS AGO I was working. When I work, because of being primarily in one spot, sitting in a chair . . . I listen to a lot of stuff. I sometimes get to watch some also.

I will listen to Pastors preach and prophetic gifted people talk about this or that, listen to praise music etc.

Well one day I had listened and watched and heard . . . and something, that I think had been in there as a question mark just "suddenly" grew and welled up in me . . . . and I felt frustration and I almost felt anger . . . and I rolled away from my desk and said aloud, "Lord, is ANY OF THIS even real?!?!"

& I didn't mean Him.

I meant- I hear this one say this and that one say that and this group over here saying this is what God is doing, but that group over there saying this is what He is doing. Some prophesying calamity while others screaming NO . . .

Many believing and walking in the spiritual gifts of God, some believing and "acting" or whatever that they are, . . . and some who have never believed that that kind of thing is for today at all.

Some of these people "I" have actually followed . . .

And still . . . lately again, "I" have had almost a distaste . . . of a really big questionmark in my head on whether much of this is God, ever has been God, or was God but God got left somewhere behind . . . of if somehow it is just me . . .

I am no one's judge. & Not really my place to weigh. But at the same time---- it says we are to hold up against His Word.

????????????????????????????? & It seems to vary GREATLY by peoples' interpretation. & You can have twelve people beliving 150 things about the same paragraph often . . .

Another thing- and I'm just going to say it Lord-----

Every channel I am on or man of the programs (not all) that I might watch------- something else has been highlighted to me.

& TRUST ME I KNOW the gospel must be funded. & TRUST ME I KNOW we are to pay tithes and offerings and make sure that that the people that are running in His purpose are taken care of ===== He often uses us to help provide for them . . . . I know this.

Yet, if you watch, . . . you can change from channel to channel and often it seems almost like a carnival barker . . .

Everyone has a book. Everyone has tapes or cds. Everyone has a great new teaching you gotta have====== cause today=-----it is your answer . . .

& More than once I have been reminded of when Jesus stormed into the temple and overturned the tables and yelled at the folks inside "in the name of God and otherwise"-------------------- that It WOULD BE a HOUSE f prayer !!!! & That they would NOT do this in His Father's House.

But we seem to do it ===== all the time------ and IN THE NAME of the Father . . .

I do tithe. I do offer on a regular basis, my time, my prayers, my thoughts, my labor . . . AND MY money.

So it isn't that I resent giving money. It's that I think much that is going on---maybe left God out before-----------------

& Focuses seem amiss if anything. I don't know if this is something GOD illuminated me to or if it something I just think----------- but I think even good things can take us completely off our path with God and even take us away from God if we aren't careful.

So- in essence, even if a gift---a true gift----- or blessings or money or whatever------- IS the focus----------- and He no longer is . . .
then I really think it's amiss at best . . .

That day HE did not answer me. He did not say, "Yes it is real or no it is not." He just said I had Him . . . which was the important thing.

YES----

And then He reminded, and has reminded me several times . . . the "simplicity" of th gospel".

How they needed a savior. How they did not know Him. How He came and lived to die to be the one sacrifice that could restore us all back unto Himself---

How he walked with them and talked with them and supped with them and prayed with them and showed Himself real . . .

So they might know Him . . . and be able to have relationship------

And then He went back to the Father . . .

SO THEY went--- and they walked and they talked and they supped and they prayed and He showed Himself real so others would know he was real and they could have relationship - - - so they might go

SO I might know . . . so I might also go and walk with them and talk withthem and supp with them and pray for them so He can show Himself real . . . and have a relationship . . . etc.

And that simply signs and wonder follow believers . . .
& I thought----wow------ You're right . . .

SO--- I don't have to ask for it or hope for it or chase after it or focus on it . . . . and if I do, . . . I am probablynot where I need to be------no matter what my gifts are . . . .

But I am curious about what others are seeing/hearing/feelings etc.

Is it just me?
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I also don't have anything against pastors getting paid. & Don't have anything against someone having a good teaching, that people want--- and they charge a "fair" amount for----------- because God does provide for His own, and also provides for His purpose & often it is through us.

I think that all of them are probably no different than all of us.

Probably most really did or do have a heart for God and really wanted to make a difference

Some went askew
Some did not

Many askew - whether pastors or teachers or on t.v. or not---- probably don't know if they are "off".

& There are still many working tirelessly to try to be whoever it is that they feel God has called them to be.

But we are one Body. We are pieces and parts. Each one of us might be in that Body and yet have totally different functioning. But ya seem to see a lot of folks who think that this is the way God works---- and this is what He is doing right now----- and if you can't see that, then brother or sister, you just don't fully know Christ.

Maybe, . . . or maybe not.

The truth is, I have visited, watched and spent time with folks that are very methodic in their belief and do not believe that some things, like healings and deliverance etc. is valid today. I personally do not believe that is true, but it does not mean they do not fully have God.

Maybe they are not walking in what I perceive to be the fullness of God, but perhaps their closeness--- with no bells or whistles at all just further magnifies their love for Him in His eyes-------I don't know.

At the same time, do I still wonder when I hear people talking about gold dust or gems appearing out of nowhere . . . if this is also God---------------even though I do believe in the supernatural side of God?
Yes I do wonder. Why? Two reasons, I guess. One is human nature--
it hasn't happened to me. Two, because it says that God does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and will always be . . .
& I personally have not seen where this particular thing is mentioned in the bible.

But-----He most certainly caused a burning bush
He parted the red sea
He caused demons to flee from a severely tormented man

and even after He took my cross . . .

His followers went and did exactly what He showed them to do . . .

All of which is pretty darn miraculous.

So I don't know. Sometimes I don't know what to think. I know His ways aren't my ways . . . I've never thought otherwise.

I have heard people quote that scripture and others when someone does not believe the particular new thing God is now doing . . .

On the other hand- I have also heard people quote the scripture about being decieved and lured away basically by their own lusts etc. & How in the later days, they will be by their itching ears etc. Seeing what they want or are attracted to----- hearing what they want and then just kinda going off toward it . . .

Puts me right back where He keeps taking me. & His telling me or showing me just the "simplicity of the gospel" - - - - and how often
"we" complicate the crap out of things.

& I do believe that many of the good ministers/teachers we watch/hear are off a little. (a little) Any time the focus is on us----- or what blessing we can get------- or our gifts, our purpose etc. . . . then it is askew and I don't hedge on this at all.

The focus always has to be Him. It always has to be His purpose, not ours. & His focus is for the unbelieving world to come to know Him, period------- so that they might be reconciled back unto Him. He loves us, is certainly concerned for us, etc. ----but while we try to figure out how to make our life----whatever we're trying to make our life-------------- His purpose isn't to cater to our individual lives every second of every day. It's more for us to lay our lives down, as He did---in lieu of what He wants--------------------------not the other way around.

Does He love us and care about the little things we do? Sure. He proves it all the time. I think sometimes just as encouragement so we know He is still right here with us . . .

I wondered if I was feeling all these various things while watching the different preachers and teachers and prophets . . . etc, seeing things "differently" with a hint of speticism that wasn't there before because I am in a different place. ???

I am sorta between churches and so I've been visiting this year ---but am not placed in one that is my "home church". & To be frank, I really have always felt I needed to be somewhere. Because- not speaking for anyone else, just me--- I need the discipline of just showing up. I need the discipline of constantly putting God before maybe my own needs on a Sunday morning when maybe I'd rather sleep a little longer or something. & Because I know if left without a body that knows me and is up close in my life---I can very quickly just kinda fade away or . . . . fall away . . .

& There's been some thought also that maybe He was pulling me out of what I perceive to be "normal" to be more in the street ministry---or home bible study group kinda thing . . .

Then I have grappled with that, wondering if the enemy is just trying to slit my throat-but using something that at the moment seems more appealing then having to walk through one- or a million more doors before He places me in a church building to stay again . . .

And I am tired. & I am concerned.

The Word says if we judge ourselves then we need no one else judge us.

I do evaluate things quite often. I check and assess and clearly know where I am failing. Then I wonder, where He thinks I am. Sometimes I ask. Sometimes I don't, cause I'm not sure I want the answer. (Just being honest)

I just know I do want to be His.-
I know I want Him to be pleased with me, yet I will also say sometimes some things I choose to do--I know it is not what He prefers, yet I do it anyway . . .
So then I question harder-----------------because if I love Him, which I feel I do, . . . why do I do these things?
I KNOW HOW PAUL FELT.

But I want the real Jesus. Not a carbon copy. Not what someone else makes Him, . . . Not a fake rhinestone Jesus that may or may not exist . . .

& I also cringe when I feel this dread feeling inside that something is off about something I am hearing or watching, and after prayer it doesn't leave and after meditation it doesn't leave-----------------but I watch droves of people clammering around that thing, that idea, that whatever . . .

& My heart says----------------"Noooooooooooooo!"

To be honest further, I think there is apart me, probably a part in everyone that at one time wanted to hear what they wanted to hear--- all the time, with nothing hard and a lot of good things falling on them and a lot of encouragement.

We're human. Thank GOD HE knows our frame!!!

Cause the reality is, He never said any of this would be easy. In fact--- He said the opposite. He said that we would SUFFER trials and tribulation in this world.

(just as He did)

But how He had overcome the world====== and so that is our hope.

Our hope is that despite what happens, He is with us always and He will never leave of forsake us (though we can Him) & He will help us overcome our time in the battle as we walk along (if we let Him)

A lot of people seem to never get over the Santa Claus Jesus . . .

We are all be there a little at some point, but eventually we have to come out of it.

But with Santa Claus Jesus--- you're always on the right path and if not, don't worry, there's grace. He sits on His throne every day and just meditates on how He can bless you particularly today. He is just waiting for you to ask Him for more money, a bigger car and house. & He has nothing better to do than to hear us sob about everything that is wrong with out existence. He's proud that we went to church last Sunday, so you know, we can be proud too and wear it like a badge. & He doesn't mind that we forgot to read our bible yesterday or talk to Him for about half a week now. He understands. & It's alright to complain, cause we're just "being real". & He's so great, if we forget to thank Him, He really doesn't seem to mind.

Santa Claus Jesus.

Good in theory. Feels good. But, reality is, . . . the ones speaking only from a Santa Claus Jesus persepctive----even if the believe in God and are honestly living out their lives in their mind for Him------really still arent' doing others good. Cause they are promoting a Jesus that is at best part but not whole.

Following after God will cost. The Word itself says unless you are ready to leave it all, lay it all down for the cause-----

unless your love for Him is far greater than mother, father, sister, brother, etc.---------------------------- then we can't be His disciples.

How many are being "fooled" into thinking otherwise?

How many are deceived?

These are just questions I have.