Vision

Many years ago God spoke something to me. It wasn't the only time, but I do remember the words. They have never left me. You see, everyone has stumbling blocks. Everyone has struggles. Everyone has failures. Scripture says that "We all fall short of the glory of God". Boy, isn't that the truth! If not wrestling with sin issues, it seems I have had my share of "falls", and I will be the first to say, when I fall, I fall hard and fast. They've been bad ones, awful ones, B I G ones. Underneath what someone, anyone really, could have seen on the outside, was a struggle I have had for as long as I remember, security issues. Trauma came early to me. It really isn't important how as much as for all my life this has been one issue that I could never get over. Years later, even in God . . . the ugly clutch of it never seemed to fully ever go away. Had I had any doubt, just a couple months ago at a bible study three counties away, a Word was brought forth to me. One sentence in, it was like he'd read my mail. Yet, he did not know me. He said, something to the effect: "The Lord says, that from the time you were very very young (and he made a hand gesture that would denote small child, perhaps toddler) you have had an insecurity. And the Lord says, . . . it's still here with you now." Yes. Holy Spirit shot through me like an flash. Then he spoke on, or I should say HE did, and went on about what my latest was. All along though, even after knowing God personally this "thing" has plagued me. It reminds me much of Paul's thorn. It also reminds me, that His grace is sufficient. For, even though the Word went on, never once did the Lord say it would be removed. So clock back to when I was serving with pretty much all I had . . . even then this was an issue. I could clearly see God in my life. I could definitely see Him in other's. I knew of His love and mercy and grace. Yet, what I encouraged everyone to take with childlike faith, I could not see or accept maybe His righteousness, His grace for myself. I could appear almost stoic. I could walk through hell and high water and I would recognize Him there, but that insecurity always lingered. The devil always spoke in my ear. Some days, some periods I did much better than others. Sometimes I did lousy at remembering whose I was. With insecurity comes fear and inability to trust fully. I could almost trust completely. I could nearly . . . yet never fully. I was deceived to think I did fully with people and I certainly was deceived to think I did fully with God. To be honest, it was just a fairly short time ago He showed me that I did not fully trust a person. When I realized what he was saying and realized how true that really was, then He floored me. He asked a form of a question. Did I not see the bigger problem? -That I didn't fully trust HIM. OH! Off subject, sort of- The saying He gave me was: "Your potential will never exceed your vision." I marveled. Yet, scripture does say "My people fail for a lack of knowledge." and "Without vision, my people perish." I could not see past circumstance for myself, though I could plainly see for everyone else. If the glass was half empty or full, I saw everyone else's half full but mine half empty because by then I was "afraid" to wish for, hope for or "expect" anything else. My insecurity had robbed me of fully living out some of the very desires of my heart! Devil somewhere laughing I am sure. One of the biggest things I am amazed by though is God's amazing grace. He truly IS the GOD of 2nd chances, 100th chances and so on! He has reminded me of that saying. This time round I feel it full brunt. I knew then I needed to expand the possibility of what God maybe wanted to do in my life. I needed to expand and maybe even purposefully prayerfully go back over all the little wants and desires and aspirations. I needed to see what He still had for me. I needed to believe He still did have more than I could see, feel, touch, and more than I had been. I praise the God, the Way Maker. I praise the One who knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise the God who saw my beginning right through to my end. I praise my God, Who love me anyway, dies for me anyway and still works on me now. We see in part and know in part. He sees it all. We often let the part we can see be clouded, but it is His desire to birth things and have them carried out with our hands and feet. I HAVE VISION now- beyond what I can see. I may not be a hundred percent able to trust just yet, but continually lay it back down for Him to take. & I DO TRUST that HE WILL! It was so true. "Your potential will never exceed your vision". Now may my potential be released! Thanks for stopping by. May your pots never fail to overflow with His oil. In the Name of Jesus-Amen!

Walking It Out

There have been many changes. Sometimes I have done well under the pressure of it all, other times I have felt like a wet cat trapped in a cardboard box wondering how to get out. My life has drastically changed. Everything about it has changed, actually. My job has expanded and I also have had two branches sprout for me, one being a small percentage owner in an unrelated export business and the other a vending business I felt led to begin. I will say in many ways I do not feel I am where I once was. On the other hand, I somehow feel I am exactly where God knew I would be. Despite my seeming to have fallen off the face of the earth to many Christians I know, or the ones on this blog, . . . I have remained with God and speaking to Him, with Him, this whole time. There has been a territory move, and in more than just my living. The entire arena of people have changed and the "mission field" that maybe stands before me is much different than the one I used to stand in. I am affiliated with bikers now. I knew some in the past, just wasn't hands on or around enough at the time. This did not happen because I longed for this thing. In fact, to tell the truth, I was not excited at all. My view of this was obscured in the beginning because all I saw was my own pre-conceived notions. Admittedly, there is a stubbornness in me, therefore, I really stuck to my own stubborn opinion. I also, unfortunately, probably missed why I was brought there in the first place and maybe most importantly, what God might want to do. God has put a new desire in my heart. I know it's Him and not me. Out of nowhere, and probably initially with a grimace, ha ha, I now seem to have thoughts of being a bike chaplain in my heart more and more. I now have been in this new venue long enough to see there is a need and to also recognize there is a mission field. It's almost as if He had to take me to what I perceived to be the "worst" of places to remind me that He loves and desires these folks just like He loves and desires me. I already knew it. I have already said those very things about all people in all walks of life. Yes, I knew it. I just didn't think that that's where I would be. Then again, there are a lot of places that I did not think I would be. First order, get myself where "I" need to be, with His help. Second order, pray more, read more, listen more and never never never think I know what's going on. I do believe that someday, probably soon, I will be a bike Chaplain. & I also strangely believe, that this thing I tried to avoid----- just like "ministering" in the past, . . . will become something I love in my heart. I look forward to that. I am just walking it out. I am sure not doing it perfectly but I am walking. God bless you all. May His light shine upon you and through you. In the Name of Jesus! Amen!