Flux

I have not written here for awhile. In the last months I seem to have been in a great transition period. Still now, there are many changes occurring all at the same time. To be quite frank, there have been moments that I have, sat and wondered, "Lord, am I even in You at all?!". Distressing moments.

Every time I had allowed myself to get too tired, that I had tried too many things on my own or that I had let outside views or words get to me . . . He always seemed to come right in. . . be right there. There was always some, however small, encouragement that then made me say, "No! satan, you're a liar!" and praise God, praise God, praise God . . .

I am not where I once was. Still, I believe I am getting where I need to be.

I ignorantly, and then later unfortunately, was the queen of looking back, recounting every heartache, every mistake, every wrong and every sin. Though I came to know Christ along the way, I still struggled greatly with simply letting go and moving on. Instead, my habit was to hold on to everything and carry it with me.
For someone with a life that had been riddled with mistake, regret and destruction, . . . still I was blind to the heavy load I apparently chose to still carry. I was weighted down, but still trying to walk, sometimes even run.

The thing the Lord showed me a few months ago or so, is that when Job's wife looked back at all the loss and destruction, . . . she was then frozen in that stance forever more. She was taken out and left forever standing still. Then I shuddered, realizing that I easily could be her if I could not just let go and trust the One who is the only One that can be fully and completely trusted.

Breathe . . .

Sometimes it is the most invigorating thing to just sit quietly in the presence of the Almighty, letting Him empty you and just breath new life into every part of your being.

No words needing spoken. No songs being hummed or sung. Just sitting and breathing in . . .

Behold, . . . all things do truly become new . . . or new again.

Still in flux. Still watching and waiting and praying and dealing with things and people and places and trying to cooperate while He continues to move things around and reminds me of the tasks He has put before me.

Yet, I have peace, and I have His strength to keep getting up, keep going on, keep praying and believing and walking it out, with yes, my own fear and trembling. . .

But I will say-

I will praise Him forever more. I will send prayers into the heavenlys and I will continue to walk out the tasks He has given to me.

As it is written, "There is none righteous, no, not one." Romans 3:10 KJV

But He is . . . He was . . . and He always will be.

Have a great day everyone. God bless you and may you bless others, In the Name of Jesus, Amen